Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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