I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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