You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
