it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Randomize
