I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
they're like a gay fantastic four
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
