I'm pants shitting drunk right now
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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