Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize