I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
