When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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