Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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