I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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