haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
