Swine flu. Run for my life!
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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