he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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