We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
