Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
