first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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