Where is the hickey?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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