Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
