Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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