Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
