honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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