Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
