dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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