I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
