he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
