The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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