I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
