I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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