nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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