Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
