Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
