Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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