a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
