last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
she told me i tasted like america
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
