This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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