You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
