Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
