there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Randomize