i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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