I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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