She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
