There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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