Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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