In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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