Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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