you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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