Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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