Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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