I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
