Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
