Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
