My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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