She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
