I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
