Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
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He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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