If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
