u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
i would one night stand the shit outta him
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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