maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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