what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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