I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Also, beer. Big fan.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
