i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
