Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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