bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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