I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
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no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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