Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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