I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
