She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
