I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
