happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
