u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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